I used to call this disease College Kid Mono. I get tired very easily and can easily sleep for 3-5 hours in the middle of the day. But the more I think about it the more I realize it is more a problem that I have with diligence. I am efficient and very hard working (its difficult to not be when you grow up on a farm) but I struggle to motivate myself to take care of my responsibilities.
I am ashamed of the state of my apartment, and my grades. But mostly I'm ashamed of myself. Living alone has definitely helped me be MORE motivated, but it has also opened my eyes to the deep problems that I have. I can't blame a roommate for my laziness and I definitely can't blame anyone else for my problems. No more running away for me....
I'm standing still....and taking a look around. With my new independent outlook on life, I want a new focus as well. So here goes nothing. Time to stop and pick some daisies :)
This was a really wonderful break, I designed a new possibility for a tattoo representing my strength and my weakness.
I love skulls, I have always been attracted to darker things. Not the occult, but something deeper than that. I'm a positive person and I love to live (live to love ;)) but there are two sides to everyone... I recognize the sin in my life and dark in my life. And I think that's what this tattoo represents. My meloncholy little skully with a little beauty perched upon her head :)
It was an interesting Spring Break, but now it's back to the daily grind. I'm excited to have a little bit of structure in my life again. Its fun to have a break but the ADD doesn't allow me to function well in that setting. So the 9-5 begins again...WOOT!
2 comments:
Hang in there Kristen. You have friends and family that love you so. What no one tells you in high school is that figuring life out isn't as simple as getting into a great college, finding a job, getting married and having kids... or whatever your dreams might be. Sometimes you can set everything up and God says... NOPE, I'm still in control of your life!
I will keep you in my prayers. Broken hearts aren't as simple as breaking off a relationship. You are a woman and so with every relationship comes the 'what ifs' and the dreams. It's ok to grieve them, then move on and greet the day, it's ok to be down.... but don't stay there!
Make small steps to get yourself motivated. We all have days and weeks where homework is the LAST thing we want to do. (me especially). Get yourself on a bit of a schedule to give your mind a break, don't make it try and keep up with things. Google calendar is amazing. It can send you texts when things are due and put things on color where we are at all the time (internet lol) It has honestly saved my grades/schooling. It also gave me a freedom of knowing that I was 'on top of things.'
*hugs* I love you Kris. I know there are days that totally suck... and it can get lonely living alone. :) I don't know where you are with your faith right now but always remember God is there, there isn't anything you can do that He won't forgive. I'm certainly not perfect and I struggle to get into my devo times a ton. But I try...
Thinking of you today!
Thanks for sharing this, I really enjoy reading your writings. Keep your chin up buttercup. I know what you mean. When I moved out for the first time I spent so much time walking around I basically felt like a zombie. Staring at the computer for hours, wouldnt care about anything else. I just had to make sure that on a daily basis I made an effort to step out and do the things that need to be done. Hang in there :)
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