Understanding myself

I don't know whats worse, crying, or getting freakishly angry at odd points in time (such as the middle of Tarzan). I don't know whats wrong with me exactly. I'm perfectly fine! I'm loving life right now and I have a great outlook on my near future.

There's just something about the uncertainty of not knowing what out there past two years from now that scares the bejeezes out of me.

And of course that 4-letter word that scares me even more....love.

I don't even understand myself, how can I even expect someone else to want to try to understand me?

Today was a good day. I worked, cleaned my apartment, found out my short hair can go curly too, crocheted, and talked to my friends. But I'm tired of having good days, I'd like to have great days! Awesome days! Am I there yet?

I am not brave

How long is Forever?

It is so easy to love you in the warm silence of morning.

Can we lay here for eternity, your touch smoothing out the rough edges of sleep?

And if one morning, we wake to find Winter at the doorway; will you still find my hand with yours?

Together we would chase away the cold.

The heady morning is gone; you have let Winter inside while I slept so peacefully.

Frost scribbles through the air and I feel my hand slip from yours.

“Don’t you feel better now?” your words break like icicles across my heart and I balk.

Better? No. I am not brave.

Shaking in the cold I pull back the curtains and let in the brilliant sun.

Forever has gone and left me with today.

Kristen Bartels