Graffiti on the walls of my life

I'm finding a lot of happiness around me this week. Yesterday I took work off and went to Sufu to be with my friends. My younger sister, her boyfriend and three of my gay friends all happened to have work off. So after my first class I sped down to the big city and met my daddy for lunch. After lunch I met up with my sister and I took her on her first trip to a Pron Shop (for those of you who don't know what Pron is, switch the o and the r). She spent most of the trip blushing. After words we went to the tattoo parlor to get my latest tattoo finished. Below is a picture of the finish product. DYA are my grandmother's initials.
After this we met up with our gay friends for supper! And let me tell you, conversations with them are the most interesting ever! I felt absolutely surrounded by them! My friend C is the best, he and I were the third wheels of the group so we just pretended to be together. And let me tell you, it was much needed cuddle time. After I started getting super tired I took off for my apartment and had an amazing conversation with a new friend (we'll call him J). I'm finding out that there are definitely some pretty great guys out there. They aren't all duds.

You might be curious why I entitled my post "Graffiti on the wall of my life." Every time that I see a bit of graffiti on a wall somewhere or a picture it makes my heart lift a little. I find it encouraging that amidst all of the chaos of a city someone has managed to find an outlet for their feelings and share it with me and millions of others. So I consider my friends my graffiti. When I least expect, in the middle of the chaos that is my life, they show me how much I am loved and appreciated.

If you are my friend (or family member) and in the last 6 weeks you have shown me how much you care about me; thank you! You have blessed me more completely than I could have hope for. Loves you <3



Stage "Bitter" complete

It's been a long time, shouldn'ta left you

Good evening blogging world...
Not sure why it's been so long since I've posted. I guess I just need another outlet right now. Things around here have been hella hectic (did I just say hella?). Every single person in my life seems either too busy or too sick to listen at the moment.

Believe it or not I'm in a class completely based on the works of JK Rowling. And as we all know the only thing she's written (and well I might add) is Harry Potter.
We are on book three entitled The Prisoner of Azkaban and tonight we watched the movie in class in order to compare and contrast the two. I'm not quite sure why but I just didn't want to sit in the class anymore by the third or fourth scene. I couldn't help but feel I needed to bolt out and have a good cry. I was just fine after a few minutes but there is just something about knowing that you need to do that, and can't, that makes me feel like something might be wrong.

Lately a lot has been going on in my head. My birth mom (who is in prison) is getting out on Thursday. Recently she has made known to our family that her sexual orientation has changed and she is now a lesbian. My adopted mom has breast cancer and is going through chemo. She recently has lost all of her hair and I can barely be in a room with her without my heart breaking to bits. My father will turn 60 years old on the second of March. In May I will become independent from my parents and have enormous financial responsibility. My baby half sister has a child and gives me hell for not spending enough time with them. My older siblings want nothing to do with me and my sister doesn't need me anymore, and I wasn't here when she did.

I feel almost like my head will explode with all the emotional pressure it's under. I've taken up smoking but it seems to me that no amount of cigarettes can calm the stress running through me. I desperately want to get away but I can't bear the thought of leaving my family, my friends, and my home.

Is it wrong for me to want to fix everything? Is it bad to want things to go back to the way they were before I understood them? If I could only be four again...or even use a time turner, go back to 1986 and kick my parents butt's for giving me away to a world that would never understand me...