Inching

Ever feel like stress is going to eat you alive? I've been able to handle stress all my life, taking it an inch at a time, but right now I may lose my grip. Usually when my stress levels get really high i have some sort of major medical problem. Blackouts, bursting organs, inflamed stomach linings; you name it I've had probably had it. I'm just waiting for the next hospital visit.

I'm trying to be as candid as humanly possible today. I've never really set a purpose to my blog but I guess it's just to be real with myself. I'm not great at getting my emotions out there unless you know me quite well, so this is a place that I can be real with myself. So if I'm being honest...I'm upset right now. There are very few things going right for me these days. And to make myself feel better I'm going to list those....

1. My boyfriend G. He's a wonderful guy and makes me so content and happy that some days I almost forget about all the crappy stuff.
2. My friend K - She has been nothing but supportive and candid with me. Giving me more hope than I've had in weeks.
3. My new tattoo - well worth the wait and the pain, the most beautiful and most personal tattoo I have ever gotten. (will post a picture of it and document my experience asap)

In spite of all that good, why do tears find my eyes so easily these days? Rejection and ignorance meet me around every corner. Even my faith doesn't seem to be right anymore.

Something my tattoo artist said during my session yesterday really got me. We were discussing life in general and the different stages it takes. She said that the most life changing years are the ones between leaving the nest (for college or just moving out of your parents house in general) until you start your own family. Those are the years that shape you and mold the person you will be. Who am I being molded into?

The Final Stretch!

The race is coming to an end and I can barely believe how intense this last semester has been. I'm down to a week of school left. Around this time tomorrow a week from now I'll officially be on summer vacation! And then I have about 2 weeks until I start my summer course :(. I'm so tired, I don't seem to sleep at night anymore (which has been fun let me tell you).

I think the most exciting thing about this summer is my next tattoo! I have officially scheduled tattoo number 7! I am certain I will catalog the experience here for you. The basic idea is a tree in the late fall. It's going to be beautiful! I'm so excited! (I also got my tragus pierced this week....!!)

I received work study for the summer so I'll be chopping down my hours at the Sub machine and working part time at the school. I'm excited because this means that I can get some day time hours. Instead of working at night and every weekend....blah.

I haven't been blogging about my counseling sessions because I don't know how relevant they are anymore. I think I just had a few things to think through....I'm going to be ok...more than ok... I'm gonna be terrific! So here's to the summer! And great friends!

Summer Update

Oi, this summer has been rediculously short. It feels like I barely left college and i'm already headed back into the grind. My summer was spent in the largest city in South Dakota, living in an apartment with a friend of mine (Ki). It was quite the adventure let me tell you...
Although my roommate and I didn't get along at all and rent money was scarce it was an incredible experiance. I spent much of it trying not to spend more than my rent and other bills and the rest of it spending it.
Eh. I also turned 21, which has been quite the adventure in and of itself. I can't believe that i've lived over two decades now. It kinda blows my mind. But i can say that i love it. Being able to do almost anything without asking my parents al the time and finally getting to drink and not have to worry about getting in trouble for it.

I must admit that I am relatively new to the drinking scene. And this would be very apparent if you joined me for a drink. I had my fling once a long time ago but it didn't stick....but now that I'm 21 i've finally started to get into it. And i must say that I enjoy it lots....

I just finished moving into my new school. If you didn't already know I transfered from the private Christian college i was attending for two years into a state school near to Sioux falls SD. I think this will be quite the adventure. I haven't been in a public school for quite sometime and i can say truthfully that i didn't miss it all that much but we shall see how this goes.

ahhhhhhh dorm life......its good to be back and done with 40 hr work weeks..... oh and on a side note....I'm back to blogging.....sooo look forward to seeing a post here fairly often now....

-B

Finals Week

"I have been busting my butt, studying for finals..."

The previous statement is what I like to consider parent friendly, and the motto of every PSEO in the state. Fortunately I am neither a PSEO nor parent friendly and as such have barely even cracked a book for the up and coming week of death. But i will have you know I've thought really long and hard about it. Yesterday I put into folders all of my study materials. Each folder has: the sylabus; in case I need to refer to it for further study options, a packet of study materials, and cute little colored paper clips to put it all together. Oh and my planner has been sufficiently color coded so I know when my finals are and how far I need to be in preperation by each day of the weekend and next week.

I love to organize. I love finding a place for something and labeling it, or putting post it notes on things so I know what to do with them. I also love to organize when I need to be doing something else. Such as studying for finals. Since this morning I have completed half a question on my take home final for Gospel of John. But I've also cleaned my desk, organized my closet rearranged some pictures on my walls and reorganized the top of my desk. My fan should be closer to my bed anyways.

I have done everything in my power to do anything but study. I stayed in the cafeteria for over an hour playing the cup game and this hand game I learned as a camp counselor. I actually barrowed a movie from my neighbor...to pass the time...

It's not that I don't want to do amazing on these tests...I do! I just hate being confined to this little room with my studious roommates forced to cram for tests I'll probably do mediocre on anyways. I'd much rather be over at the main building playing video games with my other procrastinating friends. But sitting here with an open word document, my books and papers sprawled across my bed, makes me feel like I'm actually acomplishing something...kinda...