It's been a long time, shouldn'ta left you

Good evening blogging world...
Not sure why it's been so long since I've posted. I guess I just need another outlet right now. Things around here have been hella hectic (did I just say hella?). Every single person in my life seems either too busy or too sick to listen at the moment.

Believe it or not I'm in a class completely based on the works of JK Rowling. And as we all know the only thing she's written (and well I might add) is Harry Potter.
We are on book three entitled The Prisoner of Azkaban and tonight we watched the movie in class in order to compare and contrast the two. I'm not quite sure why but I just didn't want to sit in the class anymore by the third or fourth scene. I couldn't help but feel I needed to bolt out and have a good cry. I was just fine after a few minutes but there is just something about knowing that you need to do that, and can't, that makes me feel like something might be wrong.

Lately a lot has been going on in my head. My birth mom (who is in prison) is getting out on Thursday. Recently she has made known to our family that her sexual orientation has changed and she is now a lesbian. My adopted mom has breast cancer and is going through chemo. She recently has lost all of her hair and I can barely be in a room with her without my heart breaking to bits. My father will turn 60 years old on the second of March. In May I will become independent from my parents and have enormous financial responsibility. My baby half sister has a child and gives me hell for not spending enough time with them. My older siblings want nothing to do with me and my sister doesn't need me anymore, and I wasn't here when she did.

I feel almost like my head will explode with all the emotional pressure it's under. I've taken up smoking but it seems to me that no amount of cigarettes can calm the stress running through me. I desperately want to get away but I can't bear the thought of leaving my family, my friends, and my home.

Is it wrong for me to want to fix everything? Is it bad to want things to go back to the way they were before I understood them? If I could only be four again...or even use a time turner, go back to 1986 and kick my parents butt's for giving me away to a world that would never understand me...