I'm feeling a little lost

I don't want to do this anymore....the break-up healing process is trying to kill me I think.

I have a friend (lets call him R). And R tells me that I'm taking everything like a pro. And to the world around me I believe that I am taking this all like a pro. But each night when I lay down for bed I can't help but let him run through my brain a few times. Or I'll get on Facebook and see that one of our mutual friends changed their Facebook pic to one of the two of them.

I am a strong, independent woman. I'm a total badass. At least that's what I want everyone else to think. When will I find someone who can understand me for who I really am? And not project their demands on my personality? There's a song by Mika called "Stuck in the Middle". The chorus goes

Is there anybody home,

who will believe me,
won't deceive me, won't try to change me.
Is there anybody home,
who wants to have me just to love me,
stuck in the middle.

I am not strong, not every day. I am not independent not all the time. I need to lean on the people around me and the people nearest me (i've found) that let me confide in them and support me! Those are the keepers. I love them! I hope one day someone will see that and want that. Until then. I'm taking one day at a time. And it hurts less today than it did tomorrow...I think I see a light at the end of this tunnel.


***** I don't know why but I tend to dwell in the past at times...i've watched videos of him from time to time to remind myself....and in all honesty it puts me in physical pain to see him....